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"So, I'm catching up on a little work that I brought home from the office, when I hear this knock on the door."
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It's the Heat ... what the hell do they want, now?
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"Sorry to disturb you, citizen. We want to know where your grandfather is."
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"We just received a call about some cold cases your grandfather might have been involved in."
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"It involves the kidnapping of some missing girls."
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"You must be mistaken, Officers. Grampy's been on the straight and narrow, ever since he got out, the last time."
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"Mr. Upp, I'm sure you're aware that your grandfather used to be the infamous Bondage Burglar."
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"Several decades ago, he would break into women's houses ... "
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" ... Tie them up, and take them away ... "
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" ... And hide them in a number of unsavory places, like basements ... "
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" ... And, abandoned warehouses."
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"Can you imagine the helplessness, and terror that these women must have endured, before he let them go?"
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"We're here to see that Justice is finally served!"
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"Well, as I recall those cases, .... you never could find any witnesses to testify."
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"I tell you , ... ever since that misunderstanding with his social worker, Grampy's been as clean as a whistle!"
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"Wait just a minute there, officers. I'm Grampy TRU's son-in-law, who just also happens to be a lawyer."
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"Grampy TRU was never charged, for that co-ed in Springfield ... "
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"Now, as for that housewife in Jersey ... "
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" ... or, for that intern at the packing plant ... the Statute of Limitations ran out on those, years ago."
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"That means that Grampy TRU got away with those, scot-free!"
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"Yeah, buddy? Well, Justice never sleeps. And, neither do we."
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"A lingerie store owner turned up missing today ... "
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" ... and we strongly suspect that Grampy TRU is back up to his old tricks!"
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"Well, 'strongly suspect' don't feed the bulldog, Coppers. Come back when you 'know' something. And, don't forget to bring a warrant with ya. Have a nice day, Coppers!"
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